remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
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yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
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He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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