I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
