no, he came in my armpit
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
