is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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