I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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