I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
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A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
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Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When are your genitals available?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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