yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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