i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
