Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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