GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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