He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
