My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
