haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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