There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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