Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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