I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
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So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
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I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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