im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
