in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's shark week go big or go home
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
