Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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