It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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