sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
