So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
