Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
