I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
