break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
