Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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