i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
