Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
