for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
