Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
