Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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