Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
