Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
