I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
