She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
