Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Found the puke drawer
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
