i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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