life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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