You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
