You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
