Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
