I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
