Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
