next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I deserve this hangover.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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