This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
