Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
