Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
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gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
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I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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