it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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