That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
