you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
