I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
how drunk are you?
Several
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
