Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
