No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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