I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
