Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize