I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
