I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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