This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
