bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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