Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
operation harelip BJ is a go
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
