Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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