woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't deserve a penis
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
