I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
