I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
