your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
