I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
