what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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