Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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