I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
