Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
