me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
