I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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