I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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