people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
