I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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