you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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