dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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