oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
